All changes in our lives have a side effect, namely stress.
Most of the time, that stress is perfectly manageable. But changes rarely come solo. Then it becomes a matter of stress on stress. On stress. In that case, you may not be able to bear the stress well anymore.
What should you do then?
Well, I don't have a cure for stress. Or maybe I do, but then I would need to know more about the cause of the stress.
No stress is the same and the solution is in the pain. In it even. In the eye of the pain is the solution. That is where you need to be. Not in the symptoms.
My answer to the question of what to do when you can barely bear the stress is this: action. Nothing else.
Don't wait passively, don't freeze, don't become paralyzed. Do you know the phenomenon:
'staring into space'?
When staring, the eyes are frozen, in a standby mode. There is no correspondence between the thoughts and the visual environment. You are literally staring into nothing. The goal is to shield the brain from the environment for a while.
Someone who is under stress can completely end up in that state. It is difficult and unfortunate to get out of that state. Yet it must be done.
You would rather keep staring or stay lying down. Yet you have to take action. And at the same time you have to spare yourself. In times of stress you have to use your energy well. You have to skip the less meaningful activities and you have to put the people who waste your time senselessly to cold.
By less useful activities I mean: annoying chores like washing your car and cleaning out your shed. Even housework can be part of that. Unless it makes you feel better, don't do it. Ask someone else to take over temporarily. "I don't have to go to the store for groceries now."
Be prepared for the know-it-alls.
'They' will say that you will recover from it. That is not true, unless you recover from it. But I already wrote that.
And the people you temporarily put on ice are the questioners and the complainers. The whiners who always talk about themselves. The grumblers, the suckers. You don't seek them out and you don't let them in. Never, right?
You need to move. No annoying chores, but activities that get you moving. Physical movements loosen your mind. Those activities should not burden your mind further. Walking is one such thing. You may not feel like it. But you need to get out there.
The other thing you need to do is talk. Choose the nicest and most fun people. The most valuable, the wisest people. You donβt necessarily have to know them very well to get in touch with them about this. Look into your digital connections and just ask for a conversation.
Helping is in our genes. Paid talking is a great option.
The solution to your stress is there. You carry it with you, together with the cause. Eventually the solution will present itself. Please trust that. Talking creates space. Talking leaves the stress in your system. Be open. Tell how things are.
There is always β always β a way out. You donβt see it. But it is there.
Hans Ruinemans, boardroom monk