Connecting with 'the other' is not something we have to teach ourselves. A truly solitary human being does not exist. Nor does a truly solitary animal. From our conception, the entire period of childhood and as young adults, we were 'connected'. Not that it was always easy for us. Connection has a lot to do with 'self-image'. The effortlessness of being optimally connected to the environment decreases when the self-image is under pressure. What mechanism precedes this?
Your self-image is different from your image. The latter is the image that others have of you. The better they know you, the more accurate that image is. The 'danger' is that people are convinced that they know you. Their image of you is unjustified. You will probably have to make do with that. People stubbornly hold on to their conviction.
Make no mistake, something like this happens mostly in the group that is closest to you. Family, friends, your secretary or your team members; it is not uncommon that they have an image of you that is not correct.
Probably each subgroup has a different image of you. That image, your image, largely determines how the other person treats you. On the other hand, you react exactly as the group expects you to. If you did not do that, an almost dramatic change would occur in the group. That change would cause a commotion for which you do not want to be responsible. The image maintains itself.
Not only do others have an image of you. You also have an image of yourself. You end up in an inner conflict when your self-image deviates from your image.
Your image may not be correct. But is your self-image correct?
Your self-image largely determines your choices. And the consequences of your choices strengthen your self-image. In short; self-image also maintains itself. Maybe you say of yourself that you are shy, because that is what you have always heard. You do not know any better than that you are shy. But really shy people are more or less socially handicapped. Perhaps you have an introverted character, or you are a person of few words. What you suffer from is not your shyness, but your memetics, mimes or in Dutch memes.
A meme is a concept from memetics. It means that an idea or a belief spreads like a virus among information carriers, and with information carriers we mean human brains, the internet and social networks. In more specific terms: a meme is a contagious information pattern.
“That's just the way it is.”
“That's just the way I am.”
“That's not for me at all.”
“That's how you're supposed to do it.”
On a micro level, your ideas, your beliefs, your patterns and habits, your supposed limitations or skills and sometimes even your emotions originate from the domain of Memetics. The memes that you learned until you were eight years old are the most stubborn to combat. With this blog we want to make you aware of the presence of your memes. To get rid of them, reprogramming with a counter-idea can help you. “Everything is feasible for everyone” neutralizes the idea that you will never become a quarter because you were born for a dime. But dealing with your memes can be much more stubborn. This blog is not about that. With this chapter we want to make you aware of your memes.
Memes on a micro level greatly influence your performance. Letting go of unhealthy thoughts about yourself and the world as you know it is a big change. Memes contaminate your potential, your aspirations and your dreams. They directly determine your self-image and indirectly your image. The awareness of your memes brings us back to the initial question. Who are you and who would you be in a different environment? How malleable are we, as human beings, and how great is our uniqueness and independence?