Oh yes. My father. An ordinary man. A special father. Just like all our fathers.
In his younger years my father would set wasp nests on fire without any fuss. Killing thousands of little creatures in one go. Apologies to the animal activists, I know it hurts you.
“Tidy is nice,” my father would then exclaim with satisfaction. Or words to that effect. In any case, in the destruction of that life, we – children – never saw a trace of compassion from father.
But then. Once I had the status of senior I saw him sitting on his terrace. Under a glass of lemonade a wasp buzzed busily.
“Look at that,” he said admiringly. “Such a beautiful animal.”
I just saw a wasp. A yellow-brown bitch with a syringe up his ass. My father – formerly the enemy of the wasp colonies – sighed again in admiration.
With a flourish he freed the angry creature. “Go quickly to your buddies,” he waved after him.
It wasn’t that strange. Father was just a man in development. This situation sketch is from a long time ago. On that terrace – with that wasp under that glass – he was still an early senior. Not yet very old, just past the medior. The years of performing and proving, earning money and creating prestige, were behind him. He had sown and ploughed and could finally reap.
Drive disappeared, freedom appeared. And with it compassion. And maybe it was the other way around. That compassion was nice for his environment. He became an even nicer person because of it. It was also very nice for himself.
It is a relief when compassion is given the chance to be there.
Whoever has compassion is generally mild-tempered. And whoever is mild, observes. He lets others be what they are. With compassion you are able to understand.
So compassion makes gentle. Compassion creates trust. Compassion takes away fear. Compassion is part of wisdom.
Hooray for compassion!
But how do you develop compassion?
I myself am convinced that your character is formed by you. Maybe you heard me say it before in my vlogs, that could be. I can't say it often enough: you are the architect of your character. You, and no one else.
Okay, you have these unique qualities. You are born with them and you will leave life with them.
But within the limits of your impossibilities, the possibilities are limitless.
The most important thing about building your character is that you do not judge things or people or events as good or bad.
It is. Or they are.
You put a label on it. You give it a color. You add the emotion. In fact, everything is neutral.
No longer labeling people or things or events is the beginning of compassion. An added benefit: whoever feels compassion for another, feels it for themselves too.
Compassion – dear people – is the beginning of liberation. Not fixed, but free.
Hans Ruinemans, boardroom monk