Being happy. Who doesn't want that? "I have everything, but I'm still not happy," I heard someone say recently. It was such an intimate conversation, before COVID19, on a plane, you know. The woman in question was speaking furtively softly, but still way too loudly into her phone. Even before take-off. How could she have thought, I thought, that 'having everything' and 'being happy' have anything to do with each other?
Ask the people around you what is the basis of their happiness and the answer will always be:
“My health.” “Love.” “The work I do.” “My faith” or some other form of spirituality. “That I am free to do what I want.”
You get an answer like that everywhere in the world. The lack of it is the equal basis of unhappiness. The list never includes: a Tesla, a home cinema, a beach holiday in Florida. The woman on the plane would also say that she is happy with love, with freedom, with being seen and with the feeling that she is participating. And yet she is surprised that she has everything, but is not happy. I do not blame her. Everyone strives for happiness. And in the Western world we connect that feeling called happiness to having possessions. The more possessions, the happier we are.
Most people don't get happy from possessions. Or at least; not from a lot of possessions. I always compare it a bit with the sun. Coincidentally: the sun I was flying to at that moment. That was still fine then. It was for work, by the way.
Okay, so that sun. We in the Netherlands are happy with the sun. We don't get too much of it. When we do have it, it gives us a feeling of happiness. That would quickly be over if we were to live in the heat all the time. Temperatures of over 40 degrees, drought, dusty streets, smog, the air conditioning always on and constantly looking for shade. No, that happiness would quickly be over.
We here in the West think that we have relatively too little possessions. Because there is always someone with more.
Enough sun is better than no sun at all. And like Aristotle, I think it is also true of property.
Being without possessions can make you unhappy.
A certain amount of possessions gives you a sense of happiness. More possessions do not make you happier. The extra sense of happiness that more possessions brought evaporates. The curve goes down and that does not feel good. To get the curve up, new possessions are needed. You crave for optimal yield of happiness and therefore optimal possessions.
Meanwhile, it costs you a lot of time and energy to manage that property. You can be scammed or robbed. You can lose it, or you can be overtaken by the neighbor who thumbs his nose at you. You run the risk of making mistakes. Debts, mismanagement.
A minimum of possessions – of money – is necessary to be happy. But wanting more and more of it is not good for a person. You determine your own minimum. After that, you have to control yourself. When you have the minimum – and again; you determine that yourself – then you have to stop acquiring.
So what should you do with your money?
I can understand that you are happy with a house by the sea. With beautiful art on the wall. With a Porsche 911 on the driveway of your beach house. Indeed, space around you. How nice is that? The sea within reach. Every day to the beach.
And the shiny chrome of that Porsche, that sound. The lines of the bodywork. If that's the case: buy that house, acquire the most beautiful art and enjoy it to the fullest. I'm sure you'll succeed. But don't indulge in a second home by the sea. In a faraway country. With a Mini Cooper in the driveway. Because too much possession has a hefty price.
So: what should you do with your money?
Go camping with your kids. Send your nephew to college. Spend money on the careers of young, promising artists. Pay for a year of college for that student who has to do everything on his own. Take half a year off and walk to Rome. Invest in the people you love. In experiences. In your passions and in your inner life.
Being connected to others and really making a difference in life makes you happy. And you can do that with money.
“I have everything but I am not happy,” said the woman on the plane before we took off. I did not speak to her, the flight was too short, and sometimes people have to come to a certain conclusion themselves.
Money is energy. Not a consumer product.
Hans Ruinemans, boardroom monk